Swirling

My head aches
For days
At my lapses
At my missteps
At my misplaced confidence
Though I do see upon myself
The glimmer of a life projected
A good life
One of freedom
Of the abstract idea of happiness
I misstep
And the world falls with me

I shift the blame
Or I take too much
I endeavor to change
And stay painfully similar
I imagine the proundity I may bring
Yet in the moment I short-circuit

Its hard
Yet feels overstated
I feel unconfident
But I know I could do it
The worlds complexity
At time seem as unillusive as words on a page
At others completely incomprehensible

Am I to take the challenge
In most moments it feels the only thing to do
But also as an unachievable goal
One in a million
I like those odds