My Own Expectations

Nobody expects anything out of me
Yeah, except for my time and energy
Helping out
In the ways theyve grown accustomed
Am I worth keeping around
I gotta stay on higher ground
But the highest ground is a peak
Only big enough for one
But the burden makes one weak
Talk in my sleep
Dreams turn to nightmares
But thats no perspective to keep
Friends turn enemies
Enemies, friends
But when does that really happen
I’m lapsing into my old state of mind
Into my new state of mind
Friends become harder to find
But my rosters solid
What’s the reason to look
Would I take back the chances I took
If given the chance
Or keep with what I have
And work on the work of making it last

Swirling

My head aches
For days
At my lapses
At my missteps
At my misplaced confidence
Though I do see upon myself
The glimmer of a life projected
A good life
One of freedom
Of the abstract idea of happiness
I misstep
And the world falls with me

I shift the blame
Or I take too much
I endeavor to change
And stay painfully similar
I imagine the proundity I may bring
Yet in the moment I short-circuit

Its hard
Yet feels overstated
I feel unconfident
But I know I could do it
The worlds complexity
At time seem as unillusive as words on a page
At others completely incomprehensible

Am I to take the challenge
In most moments it feels the only thing to do
But also as an unachievable goal
One in a million
I like those odds

Be Full of Grace Towards Yourself

Allow yourself
The space
To falter
To be
Less that one hundred percent
At all times
Having high goals
Doesnt mean youll always reach them
Yet you may
With discipline
With time
With consistency
Set yourself
In the mindset
That you will accomplish
But being full of grace
For yourself
Is what there needs to be
For you
To become you

On one end, I feel as though I should always be pressuring myself to be as good as I possibly can be, the ideal I envision. Yet today, I have spotted a bit of the other end, in which I allow for the moments in which I don’t perform at the level I project myself performing at. I thought that that was an interesting thought which a light is rarely cast upon.
The idea of providing myself grace, to be the man I am now, as opposed to whom I project my future self to be. That is not to say “be complacent”, far from it. Yet, if one loads themselves with tasks daily, lofty ones, one worth striving to with all of ones might, there is a good chance they will falter. It is kind of like the pancake analogy that I’ve seen as a topic of conversation/debate among medical students. It goes something like “each day you are served 10 pancakes (set information). You need to eat your breakfast. If you do not finish all 10 of your pancakes, then tomorrow you will have to add the left over pancakes on top of the current days portion.” However the debate I have seen from medical students is that, perhaps, no-one can be expected to eat such an incredibly large amount everyday, that is just too ambitious for almost anyone to brute force. One, therefore, needs to create strategies, and other practical ways in which to imbibe the greatest amount of pancakes one can in a day. However, with such an abundence of things (information) to be done/grasped, it is inevitable that there will be things missed. There seems to be, from what I’ve seen, an expectation there that one may just be too overloaded with information, especially initially, however, that often times, one will be learning by doing and creating systemic knowledge in ones mind whilst progressing. I think this is a helpful mindset in the less pertinent areas of our lives, or in those spaces in which our shortcoming will not bring the world crashing down upon us.

Underground

Underground tube
Projecting
Leaving towards the light or darkness
Given with the world upon it
We find our spirit
Our youth and finality
Our indignity and our prosperity
The encounters
Jubilation
Loneliness
Only to escape into the world
For an inevitable return
Underground